Friday, March 20, 2009

Sign of Spring

Well, well, well today is the first day of spring. Isn't that just great? I think so. And right now the temperature is a fine 28 deg.F. Gotta love Maine.
Anyway, I was out in the yard last night playing with my dogs and after looking around in I realized that around here the first real sign of spring is that the dog turd starts to reappear out of the melting snow piles. Its not just some dog turd either. It is a lot. How much, I wondered as I kicked the red jolly ball down into the back yard, is there?
  1. December 1 to March 19= 109 days
  2. Dogs= 2
  3. Turd per day (t.p.d) = 1
  • Therefore:
(109 days) x (1 t.p.d) x (2 dogs) = 218 dog turds.

ell shit, literally, at least during the summer the turds decay quickly. Ya see, the real issues are the temporary frozen stasis of the winter turd environment and that each new snow storm covers up the previous batch of turds while simultaneously providing a new layer to accept new turds. Then as the snow melts, more and more turds are., in turn, reverse exposed.
Kind of like erosion and paleontological discoveries of dinosaur bones. But these are no bones., no sir...maybe the processed remains of bones, but no bones. These are dog turds: brown ones, fresh ones, old ones, gray ones. turds covered in bird seed. turds with fur. turds that are now so mushy are barely identifiable...until you get close.
It was the bird seed encrusted ones that led to a minor discovery. My dogs are eating the bird seed that falls from the bird feeder. Great...
Now I'm wondering:
  • how much does that all weigh?;
  • how does it correlate to the weight of food I am feeding them?
I better stop now. my mind is swimming in thoughts of dog shit. Only one last question remains: how much of it will I step in tomorrow?
Have a great spring weekend.


  1. Oh Joe, your post made me laugh out loud!!! It is also making me rethink getting that German Shepard puppy. Seems like a good idea now but once the dogs start processing food internally, well.... Hmmmm... shit... any shit... makes me gag. Main reason I never had kids - thank you for showing me when I was 12 that kids are cute but they shit. I think I'll stick to gardening in a dog shit free back yard.

  2. LOL! Now even though I miss the snow, I don't miss cleaning up the accumulation of dog poop in the yard after it melts..

  3. I have a rottweiler. And yes, the melting of the snow means one thing, cleaning up a whole winter's worth of dog leavings. bleah!

    ok-hey-follow up question here-

    ok, um, is lemon drop, whiskey sour and apple types of liquers?

    I did buy a bottle of jack daniels recently. Is that part of the whiskey sour? Didn't really like it but then again I put in in diet coke, so, huh, I have no idea what the hell I am doing here. I need a primer or something blah- little help here if you got it. :)

  4. That's a WHOLE HEAP of dog-turdage.

    70 degrees here today. Eat it Joe, LMAO !!!

  5. Hahaha! Great post Joe! I have 3 dogs so I have what 1/3 more turd out there than you do!
    Lucky me!!!!

    Love the visuals!

  6. its been almost 12 hours since i posted this and im still cracking up. and i just review the pic i posted and gagged a little bit.


    thanks for the comments good people.

  7. jesus christ, that's a lot of shit!!!!

    yah, spring has sprung a little here in NYC, but it did snow yesterday so...
    The husband-to-be and I had fun this morning playing with a free-standing egg! you gotta do it every year!