Gross Baby Story

This tale must be shared. It is not uncommon but must be documented for the purposes of this blog as that  I hope one day my son will discover these writings of mine and understand more of my life and his. No pictures please.

Early this morning as we were preparing for work.  The boy and I were in the kitchen.  He was naked from the waste down because mom asked me to leave his bottom bare to air out the undercarriage. I was getting milk from the refrigerator while the boy was pulling tea and spices from the cabinets.  I turned back to look at him and Im like 'When the fuck did the dog shit on the floo...aawwwh crap.' 

Yep. LG dropped lumber on the kitchen floor AND was standing in it. 

I picked him up to bring him to the changing table, just as a do...'doink'  -poo covered foot, meet Dads shirt. 

I clean up the bulk poo quickly and yell out from mom, who cant hear anything over the whine of the hair dryer. We scoot over to the bathroom for her to clean the shit from between his toes.

With my shirt removed I move right back into the kitchen to disposed of the soft log and manage this hazardous waste clean up. 

The End.  When is fathers day again? I'm asking for something good.

Daddy Blog post: shit

What a miserable dreary day the weather gods have spread across the land today. Wife and I started feeling cramped in and needed to get out, But what to do? what to do? The only thing we really could without driving and hour or more...we went to Target.

We arrived in the parking lot and LilGuns shits him self and gets hungry right away. At 7 weeks this kid is chugging a 4-7 ounce bottle every two hours. WTF gonna happen when he's 13? Anyway, wife jumps into the back seat and fed him. Then we laid the front car seat down like a changing table to swap out his diaper.
Wife: " Here hold this and throw it out when we get inside." meaning the mustard shit filled diaper.
Me: doe-dee-doe "ok." I had to piss like a race horse anyway, so the bathroom was my first move and I could toss it there. So, I fold up the diaper really carefully and stick it in my pocket.
And then we shop. l.e.d christmas lights, wrapping paper, boob pads...all kinds of shit.
2 hours later we are driving home and I stick my hand in my pocket..."oh jezzes.. whats' thi...oh no!' I pull out the diaper. i forgot all about it and it now had leaked pee and yellow poo of course. inside my jacket pocket. Now im holding it. awesome. so gross. and without any better option I put it back in my pocket.
Luckily having dogs has desensitized me to some gross things with poo and dog shit stinks WAY worse, so I was able to keep myself under control and get straight home.
I'm sure this will not be the last gross thing that happens. Probably this was just the first really good one.Hey whatcha gonna do? I mean really...just look at him?